my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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