Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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