i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
