Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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