piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
