I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He kissed a someone with a penis
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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