you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize