So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
