its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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