you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
