so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
