Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Im part way to drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
