Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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