I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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