A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
