i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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