after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
