He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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