you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
