Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
