I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
