They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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