just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
