he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
