man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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