i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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