Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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