We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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