i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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