On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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