Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
