that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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