oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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