I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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