dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
