i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
