Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
