and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize