update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
