Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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