every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
