exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
