Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
