no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
