Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i think i just lost a toe
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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