Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
