She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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