Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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