..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
