So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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