I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
