I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You were trust falling into bushes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
