I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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