The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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