So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
