After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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