listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
