We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
